Saturday, September 10, 2005

Sibling Rivalry, The Return of...

Greetings humans, cyborgs, BourbonBird.

Due to popular demand, Ive decided to open another chapter of my pain filled youth. There was this big oblong device in our backyard that caused many. many injuries to all the JerkFace clan. Yes, we had a trampoline...

Sit back, spark up a Winfield Blue, and take yourself back into the mid 80's.

Picture a nice little backyard, couple of Frangipani trees, some footpaths, and a behemoth of a trampoline, sitting there with its stupid springs looking all innocent and smug.

The JerkFace kids had this game where we tilt the trampoline up on its end (topwise), one person sits on the bottom holding it upright, then the other two kids get a run up and jump onto the trampoline, sending it slamming down onto the ground, and the kids go flying into the air.

I thought of a new twist to this game, maybe I should stand at the elevated end, and hold it up, so when they jump, they will bounce back. It sounded good in theory. In practice it went thusly: BroJerkface and SisJerkFace run and jump on the trampoline. Yours truly cant hold the force of two fat kids in full flight. JerkFace crumbles. Trampoline squashes Jerkface. JerkFace left with some nasty cuts and bruises from the springs. I was a member of an elite swimming squad at the time, and had practice the next afternoon.
Coach looks at my back curiously and remarks "Christ, what happened to your back Matty?"
Ever so casually I replied "Trampoline fell on me...".
It didnt occur to me at the time, how this would be a very strange thing to say. And I still think back to that moment and chuckle to myself.
*I should point out, that one time we played this game, the dog ran under the trampoline as it came down and broke her leg. We made up a bullshit story to the parents*

Another time, a friend of mine was at my house. We convinced my brother to jump on the trampoline while we use rubber bands to flick bits of paper at him. It wasnt long before he got hit in the eye, fell over and smashed his face on the trampoline rail. Blood gushed from his mouth, and the crying turned to wailing. My mate ran home, my Dad ran outside, threw (yes threw) us into the car and drove us to the hospital. Little bro was ok in the end, but he does have bad teeth.

The final story for today, again involves me and my brother. Anybody who has ever been jumping on a trampoline with another person will know about the curious effect known as "bounceback".
Bounceback is a phenomena caused by two people on a trampoline. If one person lands just after the other, the second person catches the trampoline rebound of the first person is usually shot into the air at an unpredictable angle, most of the time, landing on areas other than the trampoline mat.
Back to the story.
BroJerkFace and I were merrily jumping up and down, trying to make each "bounceback". Out of nowhere i got my brother a beauty, he goes flying up in the air, arse over tit, I reckon he did at least one full revolution before landing face first into the springs. The springs themselves have hooks to hold them in place, and one of the hooks gouged a chunk out of his forehead. To this day he still has a scar that reminds us all to never, ever dick about on a trampoline again...